alright
First off: No more promises to update (more) regularly. I hate saying that I’ll do something, constantly intending to do it, and yet never following through. Lets just try for me claiming that I’ll make more of an effort. Here’s to hoping.
So here I am, one semester of grad school under my belt, trying to enjoy the two weeks of freedom that I have before the next semester starts. The last two and a half weeks of my life have involved me hiding in my apartment like some grouchy and stressed-out hermit, constantly in my pjs, emerging to see the sun every four to five days only for groceries. And by groceries, I mean frozen food. I wrote one decent paper, one well-written but less content-filled paper (that also unfortunately just…ended. As in, there was no conclusion. I just stopped writing), and one paper that I am deeply ashamed of and is honestly the worst academic paper of my life thus far.
If I had to sum up most the semester, it would have to be like this: I was horribly disappointed and disillusioned by the pre-professionalism and competitive environment of grad school (this is, of course, also recognizing that I am at one of the nicest programs in the country), I hated a lot of the people in my program for being so specialized that they couldn’t see past their own disciplines (and also being so incredibly focused on scholarship rather than pedagogy), and I am disappointed in my work ethic and the way that I let myself feel so inadequate or else apathetic about the whole thing.
That said, I have also met some amazing people who are really passionate about academics and activism and who care about things that I actually think are relevant, and I’ve also met some amazing people who don’t share the same interests as me but are incredibly supportive and believe that there’s a place for me in the program regardless of my different interests. I have also developed a deeper appreciation of my friends from undergrad and really understand how lucky I had it in my small liberal arts college, even if it did give me a ridiculously idealistic Pollyanna view of education and learning.
So my goals for the next semester (and year) are:
1) Talk more. I don’t care if I’m contributing to the overall class. I need to realize that my interests are important as well and I’m entitled to my opinion
2) Start the radical pedagogy reading group. Invest time in this, because I really care about it
3) Stop procrastinating and start papers earlier. The 4+ hours of television a day…DONE
4) Get out of my little campus radius at least once a month. I refuse to not have a social life anymore
Those four things basically sum it all up. What about you guys? Any resolutions for the new year?
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